At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ”Big breaths,” I instructed. ”Yes, they used to be,” remorse the patient.

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, ”Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?” The man gets really indignant and says, ”Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”