A man walks into a doctor?s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.?What?s the matter with me?? he asks the doctor.The doctor replies, ?You?re not eating properly.?

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.With a low voice he sad to his wife,?Maude, when I?m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.?Oh no, I couldn?t marry anyone after you! ? Maude replies.?But I want you to, Maude.?But why?? Maude asks.?Because that no good son of [...]

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like ayoung girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man andasks how old he is. ?I?m 90 years old,? he says.?90! ? replies the woman. ?Don?t you realize you?ve had it??Oh, sorry,? says the old man, ?how much do [...]

Two friends met after a long time, and chatted about what?s been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked ?How is she in bed?? First guy replies ?She?s fantastic, she sucks [...]

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.After a few minutes he turns to her and says, ?Can I smell your pussy?? The woman looks at him in disgust and says, ?Certainly not!? ?Hmmm,? he replies. ?It must be your feet, then.?

A man, being on top of a woman, says after a while: ?Honey, your tits are too small, and your boxis too tight,?Get off my back, dear!? she replies

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their room and says to his wife, “Notice anything different, Bessie?” Bessie looks him over, “Nope.” Sam says excitedly, “Come on,Bessie, [...]

This lady walks into her psychiatrist one day and says: “Doctor, I just can’t have an orgasm.” “Do you masturbate?”, he says. “No luck”. is the reply. “How about cunnilingus?” “Nope” “Kick-start vibrator?” “Wakes up the neighbors, but not me.” she complains. “Hmm, looks like a problem. Wait here.” the doctor says as he walks [...]

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stopsinto a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to theMadam, drops down $500 and says,?I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!! ?The Madam is astonished. ?But sir, for that kind of money youcould have one of my finest ladies and [...]

?My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,? mumbles an angrybiker to one of his buddies. ?No,? says the friend, ?people don?t die of syphilis anymore.? The angry biker replies, ?They do when they give it to me! ?

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. Whilefishing, the old man starts talking about how times havechanged. The young man picks up on this and starts talkingabout the various problems and diseases going around.Teen says, ?Grandpa, they didn?t have a whole lot of problemswith all these diseases when you were young did [...]

A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morningto find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. ?Out drinking again!?? she says.?How much money did you spend this time?? ?$100,? answers the man. ?$100! ? she shouts.?That?s ridiculous, spending that much in one night! ? ?Easy for you to [...]

An old sailor goes to a brothel,where he chooses his girl and begins.?How am I doing?? He asks.?Three knots,? she replies.?Three knots? What?s that mean??You?re not hard, you?re not in,and you?re not getting your money back.?

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride withno experience.On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed upand started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,they start exploring each other?s bodies.Things are going fine [...]

A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, ?how much?? she replies, ?$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.? He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, ?it?s my hairdresser?s fee! ?