HIS:

1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Drive away

this fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. ”What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. ”I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached over and patted him on the back. ”Well, if that’s all it is, you can stop worrying,” she said. ”You’re not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to six inches deeper.”

NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands?SAGE: Clever men don’t BECOME husbands!

One day a guy and a girl were making out in the guy’s car in the girl’s driveway. They began to get pretty hot and heavy when the guy reached into his pants and placed his cock in her hand.She froze, jumped up and said, ”I’ve got two words for you, DROP DEAD! ”Then he said, ”I’ve got two words for you, LET GO! ”.

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. ”Congratulations,” said the nurse, ”but don’t you think this is enough?” The woman replied, ”Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year.”

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.With a low voice he sad to his wife,”Maude, when I’m dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones.””Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you! ” Maude replies.”But I want you to, Maude.””But why?” Maude asks.”Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade! ”

Conversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Oh Shit.

If women don’t fool around, and men do fool around, whoare the men fooling around with?

A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wifein bed with another man.”Get over it, buddy,” he said. ”It’s not the end of the world.” ”It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. ”But whatif you came home one night and caught another man in bed withyour wife?” The fella ponders for a moment, then says, ”I’d break his caneand kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass.”

the nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. ”I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, ”just as I do at the dinner table.”Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. ”Is that better?” he asked, with a hint of a smile.” ”Yes,” replied the girl, ”much better.” ”Very good, darling,” the husband whispered. ”Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy.”