Smart medieval astrologer: A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: “Prophecy, tell me when you [...]

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today. 3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers [...]

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid replies, “Yeah.”

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lotsof friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there [...]

A man walks into a doctor?s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.?What?s the matter with me?? he asks the doctor.The doctor replies, ?You?re not eating properly.?

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. [...]

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. ?Only a shilling?? said the Justice, ?Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here?s a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them.?

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?A: You can?t get a finger between the rope and his neck!Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?A: Shoot the lawyer [...]

A lawyer?s dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer?s office and asks, ?if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog?s owner?? The lawyer [...]

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!Operator: Okay, sir, you?re an ambulance!

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.Patient: I wanna second opinion.Doctor: Okay, you?re ugly, too.

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can?t remember anything!Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?Patient: What problem? A variationDoctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?Patient: What pills?

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient?s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.2. Be cheerful at all times.Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being [...]

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this?Patient: Yes.Doctor: Well, don?t do that.

The patient shook his doctor?s hand in gratitude and said, ?Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.?That is very kind of you,? said the doctor emotionally, and then added, [...]