Two new Russians meet one day. One asks, “How’s life man?” “GREAT! You know, I have a big house in Florida, two castles: one in greece and one in portugal, a 3 story flat in moscow, a yacht at my personal dock in Miami, my wife just got breasts enlarged, and my mistress looks like [...]

A hitman runs inside a police station and tells 1st policeman he sees, “I just killed a new Russian.” “Why did you come here? Go see whoever ordered this from you. We are not going to pay you anything.”

Two hitmen receive a job to kill a new Russian. He was supposed to come home at 6pm, so they arrive there earlier to set up an ambush. At 9pm the new Russian still has not shown up. So one hitman says to another, “I hope he is ok.”

A new Russian is building himself a new house. He instructs the architect how he wants the things done, “Here, I want 3 swimming pools: one with warm water one with cool water, and one w/o any water.” The architecht inquires, “Why do you need a pool w/o any water?” “Well, you know, some of [...]

A new Russian is asked, “What would you do if you had $1,000,000?”“I’d pay off my debts.”“What about the rest?”“Well, others will have to wait until I get some more money.”

A new Russian is asked, “What is your favorite book?”“My checkbook.”

A new Russian comes to the doctor and complains, “Listen doctor, I got a problem. I eat caviar, and I crap caviar. I eat salmon, I crap salmon. I eat steak, I crap steak. Help me.” The doctor says, “Well, have you tried eating what everyone else does?

2 new Russians meet one day and they start talking how the things are. One says, Yeah, everything is fine here, wife and kids doing great, so howabout you? I declared bankruptcy for the 5th time, one more and it’ll be for real.

A boy and his family are invited to attend a party at a New Russian?s mansion. The boy is amazed to see a huge TV, which looks as if it?s been cast from solid gold. He takes a deep breath and asks the host, “Excuse me, sir?is this TV made of gold?” “Yes it is,” [...]

One New Russian says to another: “I went to the Bolshoy Theater yesterday; I had so much fun!” “Watching an opera!? How is that?” “Our hockey payers beat the Canadians in the final game!” “In a theater?” “No, I was watching TV in the theater?s snack bar.”

New russian son: “Daddy, all my schoolmates are riding the bus, and I am the black sheep in this Merscedes SEL 600.”New russian: “No worries, son. I’ll buy you a bus, and you’ll ride as everyone else!”

A police officer sees a New Russian driving around with a Mercedes SEL600 full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The New Russian says OK, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the same New [...]

In a bookstore. A New Russian asks the shop-assistant: “Give me that book about dystrophics.” The assistant (surprisingly): “Which book?” The New Russian: “Well this, “Gone with the wind”.

During the flight. A passenger looks through a port-hole, gets worried and asks an air-hostess: “Are we astray?” “No, but what’s the matter?” “We are to fly over the Hawaii, but below there’s much snow” “Well, these are the New Russians celebrating New Year.”

A Mercedes SEL600 goes quietly along the street. Suddenly it is unexpectedly overtaken by a Land Cruiser and bumped into the back. The reaction is flash-like: 5 skinhead New Russians, taking out guns, jump out from the Mercedes. From the Land Cruiser 5 armored commandoes with machine guns appear. Commandoes: “Well, what`s up, guys?” New [...]