Published on Friday, July 27, 2007 by FunnyPress Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our Spy Plane10. American codes can be broken by anyone ...

Published on Thursday, July 26, 2007 by Ofiget This is Army policy all begins... Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the ape...

Published on Wednesday, July 25, 2007 by FunnyPress Top Holiday Traditions In The Military9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower7. Draw up list of who?s naughty, who?s nice and who can?t run their 2 miles without wheezing like an infant6. Christmas morning, getting to sleep in till 05305. You open a gift and surprise! It?s a khaki-colored t-shirt4. Extra R&R for any perso...

Published on Tuesday, July 24, 2007 by Ofiget A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. ?What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?? ?Throw out an anchor, sir,? the student replied. ?What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?? ?Throw out another anchor, sir.? ?And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?? asked the captain....

Published on Monday, July 23, 2007 by Ofiget A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind. The ensign?s efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was a buzz...

Published on Sunday, July 22, 2007 by Ofiget A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, ?Halt, who goes there?? The chauffeur, a corporal, says, ?General Wheeler.? ?I?m sorry, I can?t let you through. You?ve got to have a sticker on the w...

Published on Saturday, July 21, 2007 by Ofiget Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That?s no way to address an officer! Now let?s try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! (more...)...

Published on Friday, July 20, 2007 by Ofiget One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don?t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to ?secure a building,? they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close ...

Published on Thursday, July 19, 2007 by Ofiget The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about t...

Published on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 by Ofiget The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters.In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes and had a number of SAM batteries knocked out, while the Israelis lost no planes.Sometime later, the Syrian Defense Minister was shopping for weapons in Moscow.His host, the Soviet Defense Minister, was embarrassed about t...

Published on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 by Ofiget The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.At the scene, the cop told the Marines to ?cover? him as he approched the store (to police, ?cover? means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a...

Published on Monday, July 16, 2007 by Ofiget An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: ?Hey, send somebody to my location with $500! ? The tribe accepts this si...

Published on Sunday, July 15, 2007 by Ofiget First soldier: ?Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you??Second soldier: ?No way, Jose! ?First soldier: ?Whyever not??Second soldier: ?It?s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert! ? (more...)...

Published on Saturday, July 14, 2007 by Ofiget You?ve all heard of the Air Force?s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as ?Area 51?? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their ?secret? base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot?s story was that he took off ...

Published on Friday, July 13, 2007 by Ofiget It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out ?Sir, Good Evening, Sir! ?The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said ?Good evening soldier, nice night, isn?t it??Well...