An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: ?I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first??Patient: ?Well, give me the bad news first.?Doctor: ?You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.?Patient: ?OH NO! That?s awefull! In two years my [...]

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a youngman in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space shewas waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up tothe man and said, ?I was going to park there! ? The man was [...]

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: ?Are you the owner?? The pharmacist answers, ?Yes.? Jacob: [...]

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don?t have babies.They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

this old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.His wife said, ?Where are you going ??He said, ?I?m going to the doctor.?And she said, ?Why? Are you sick??No,? he said. ?I?m going to get me some of those new Viagra pills.?So his wife got up out of her rocker and [...]

Willy?s rolling down the hall of a retirement home actinglike he?s driving a car, an orderly turns the corner andasks Willy what he?s doing.Willy replies, ?I?m going to Chicago for the weekend.?The orderly chuckles and enters Bob?s room to check on him.He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing,Bob replies,?I?m screwing Willy?s [...]

A young boy was visiting his grandfather?s farm whenone day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgrandfather playing with himself.The boy says, ?What are you doing grandpa, jacking off??Grandpa replies, ?No sonny, just jacking! ?

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by anddeposits a poopy little present on the woman?s head. ?Yech! ? says the woman. ?Get some toilet paper.? ?What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.?

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, ?Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can?t drive.?

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people?s home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren?t getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom?s room. Later that night they did just that.Jim looked at Tom and said, ?Did you see that? What in the hell [...]

An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions.?Yes,? says the Doctor, ?I would advise you to take in a boarder.?A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.The Doctor [...]

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, ?Going to a party??Yeah,? the man answered, ?I?m supposed to come dressed as my love life.? ?But you look like Abe Lincoln,? protested the barkeep.?That?s [...]

?Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen?s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It?s nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old [...]

What?s the best thing about turning 65?No more calls from insurance salesmen.

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman?s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again — the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live [...]