A – Alcohol: The key to surviving High school B – Beer: It's what's for dinner…and breakfast and lunch C – Class: What you're supposed to get up and go to after last night's party D – Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic E – Emergency: The keg is empty [...]

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order [...]

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks ”This guy is pretty pretentious” and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, ”This isn’t twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch” The barman thinks, hey this [...]

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, ”Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?” The man answered, ”Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, [...]

tHINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU?rE DRUNK:IndubitablyInnovativePreliminaryProliferationCinnamonTHINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU?rE DRUNK:SpecificityBritish ConstitutionPassive-aggressive disorderLoquacious TransubstantiateTHINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU?rE DRUNK:Thanks, but I don?t want to have sexNope, no more booze for meSorry, but you?re not really my typeGood evening officer, isn?t it lovely out tonight

Sign of drinking problem…You shout, ?I?m not as think you drunk I am.?Sent by JC

Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don?t!Mongo: I don?t have a drinking problem. I drink…I get drunk…I fall down. No problem!

A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, ?Wow, you [...]

there was a young Scotsman called Andy,Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy.He lifted his kilt,To wipe up what he spilt,And the barmaid said, ?Blimey! That?s handy! ?

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car.The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk?s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The [...]

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.?Hi,? he said, ?I?m new in town. Can I buy you a drink??Get lost,? she remarked, ?I am Lesbian.?Oh, really?? he asked, ?How are things in Beiruit??

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he comments, ?You look terrible. What?s the problem??My mother died in June,? he said, ?and left me $10,000.?Gee, that?s tough,? he replied.?Then in July,? the friend continued, ?My father died leaving me $50,000.?Wow. Two parents gone in two months. [...]

A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender?s attention. He glanced at it and said, ?It?s a ladybug.?After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, ?Good Lord, what incredible eyesight [...]

McAteer arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.?No,? replied McAteer. ?I?ve lost all me luggage! ? ?How?d that happen?? ?The cork fell out,? said the Irishman.

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash.She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rollsaround, leans over, and splat! He pukes all over the dog. Thedrunk looks down, sees the little dog struggling in the pool ofvomit, and slurs, ?I don?t remember eating that! [...]