Published on Tuesday, August 29, 2006 by TipoTurbo Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over. The cop approached the car," Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't give you t...

Published on Tuesday, August 29, 2006 by TipoTurbo Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a last confession to make before I go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your b...

Published on Sunday, August 27, 2006 by TipoTurbo In tax police: - Where did you get money to buy MERCEDES? - I sold my FORD, added little bit money and bought it. - Where did you get FORD? - I sold my LADA, added little bit money and bought it. - Where did you get LADA? - I sold my SUZUKI, added little bit money and bought it. - Where did you get SUZUKI? - I already have been in prison for that. (more...)...

Published on Sunday, August 27, 2006 by unknown A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Quiet!" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said be quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his pr...

Published on Thursday, July 20, 2006 by TipoTurbo An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire gard...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture. The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911, the police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still fro...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4". "What do you think?" one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!" (more...)...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by TipoTurbo The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn't have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the lim...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown Once there was a police man and one day on duty he saw a man with a brick on a leash. Being the man that he was he went over and said to the man and said nice dog you got there. The man replied, "it's not a dog its a brick dumb ass!" The police man said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time" feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly. When the police man was out...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at thesky and tell me what you see" Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars" "What does that tell you?" enquired Holmes. Watson ponde...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the ...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincenzo - I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden thi...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They hadgone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.Holmes said, ?Watson, look up. What do you see???Well, I see thousands of stars.??And what does that mean to you???Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. Whatdoes it mean to you, Holmes???To me, it means someone h...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill."Here?s that $20 I owe you," he says. (more...)...

Published on Tuesday, July 4, 2006 by unknown The huge black dude was getting ready for the electric chair - he had been found guilty of rape and murder. The witnesses to the execution were astonished when the prisoner's pant leg was cut and a tiny electrode was prepared to be placed on his penis. "Hey don't look so surprised" the condemned man said. "Yours would shrink and shrivel up too it you were about to be ...