Published on Wednesday, July 30, 2008 by colorP TOP 36 funniest maxims worldwide:1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?7. I just got lost in thought. It w...

Published on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 by TipoTurbo Smart medieval astrologer:A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death.He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized t...

Published on Friday, June 20, 2008 by StHummer Seven kinds of sex:The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex . This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, evenin the kitchen. (more...)...

Published on Friday, March 14, 2008 by laizy 50 reasons to be blonde (blonde's opinion):1. We can get laid anytime we want.2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.3. We piss sitting down so it's easier to pass out on the toilet when you're drunk.4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.5. We avoid speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg.6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.7....

Published on Tuesday, March 4, 2008 by laizy HIS:1. Pull up to ATM2. Insert card3. Enter PIN and account4. Take cash, card and receipt5. Drive away (more...)...

Published on Thursday, January 17, 2008 by TipoTurbo Three reasons I don?t believe in toothpaste, and neither should you: 1. They made some tainted stuff in China 2. There are hundreds of different kinds, if they found one that worked don?t you think they would have stopped there? 3. They all say they are ?recommended by dentists?, I?m yet to meet somebody who trusts dentists (more...)...

Published on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 by laizy 1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.4. An actuary is someone who brings a f...

Published on Tuesday, January 15, 2008 by qwerty The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobod...

Published on Monday, January 14, 2008 by tpsvca On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid replies, "Yeah." (more...)...

Published on Saturday, January 12, 2008 by tpsvca A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!" (more...)...

Published on Friday, January 11, 2008 by TipoTurbo A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost."$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot."That's too much," said the farmer.The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you m...

Published on Wednesday, January 9, 2008 by anecdotoff Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he?d like to eat. "I?ll have some fuckin? French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin? French toast for me," he says. She is liv...

Published on Wednesday, January 9, 2008 by TipoTurbo she put the Boogie man outta business.she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pittwhen she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..." (more...)...

Published on Tuesday, January 8, 2008 by TipoTurbo A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on afairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she saidpolitely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keepingmyself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has...

Published on Saturday, January 5, 2008 by qazimi An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lotsof friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eye...