TOP 36 funniest maxims worldwide: 1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it [...]

Smart medieval astrologer: A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: “Prophecy, tell me when you [...]

Seven kinds of sex: The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex . This is when you have been with your partner for [...]

50 reasons to be blonde (blonde’s opinion): 1. We can get laid anytime we want.2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.3. We piss sitting down so it’s easier to pass out on the toilet when you’re drunk.4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.5. We avoid speeding tickets by [...]

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM2. Insert card3. Enter PIN and account4. Take cash, card and receipt5. Drive away

Three reasons I don?t believe in toothpaste, and neither should you: 1. They made some tainted stuff in China 2. There are hundreds of different kinds, if they found one that worked don?t you think they would have stopped there? 3. They all say they are ?recommended by dentists?, I?m yet to meet somebody who [...]

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. 2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today. 3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers [...]

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the [...]

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid replies, “Yeah.”

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Paw?” The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in [...]

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.“$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a deal. If you and [...]

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he?d like to eat. “I?ll have some fuckin? French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I [...]

she put the Boogie man outta business. she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, “Damn it, can’t believe it’s Halloween already…”

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on afairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you,” she saidpolitely.” “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keepingmyself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That must be rather [...]

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lotsof friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed.Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there [...]