I married Miss Right.I just didn?t know her first name was Always.

So this guy was out on his front lawn flying a kite,he was really having a difficult time. The kite wasswinging wildly, not exactly what you?d describe asstable, so his wife sticks her head out the door andsays, ?Gee Ralph, it looks like you need more tail.? Ralph replies ?Make up your goddamn mind, last [...]

A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girlfriend he?d have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He askedhis girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would be allright. [...]

A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find herhusband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was aboutto storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.Driving along the highway, I saw [...]

John receives a phone call. ?Hello,? he answers. The voiceon the ot other end says, ?This is Susan. We met a partyabout 3 months ago.?John: ?Hmm… Susan? about 3 months ago??Susan: ?Yes, it was at Bill?s house. After the party you tookme home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. Youtold [...]

Husband: I don?t know why you wear a bra, you?ve got nothing to put in it?Wife: You wear briefs, don?t you?

two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. ?Does your wife ever … well, you know … does she … well, let you do it doggie style?? asked one of the two. ?Well, not exactly,? his friend replied, ?She?s into the dog trick aspect of it.? ?Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?? ?Well… not [...]

A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, ?My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.?The counselor turns to her husband and inquires ?Is that true?? The husband replies ?Well not exactly, she?s the one that suffers, not me.?

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor?s office.After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside andsaid, ?If you don?t do the following, your husband willsurely die?. 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and [...]

I got home from work last night and said to my wife, ?You are a one?She said ?What do you mean, I am a one??I said, ?If Bo Derek?s a ten, you?re a one?.

I went out with my girlfriend and asked her,?Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end upspending hundreds of dollars??Because I?m a prostitute.?

A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On theirwedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her newgroom, ?Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.? The startled groom says ?How canthat be? You?ve been married twice…?The bride responds… ?Well you see it [...]

After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks herhusband,?Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible towomen you are??The flattered husband said, ?No, dear they haven?t.?The wife yells, ?Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the partytonight??

A farmer walked into an attorney?s office wanting to file for adivorce. The attorney asked, ?May I help you?? The farmer said,?Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce?s.?The attorney said, ?well do you have any grounds?? The farmersaid, ?Yea, I got about 140 acres.? The attorney said, ? No, youdon?t understand, do you [...]

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on theFerris wheel, but the husband wasn?t comfortable with that. So the wifewent on the ride by herself.The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out andlanded in a heap at her husband?s feet.?Are you hurt?? he asked.?Of [...]