Good News, Bad News, Worse News Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can?t find your birth control pills Worse: Your daughter borrowed them

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the pathof a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. ?Give me yourmoney?, he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, ?Hey, watch it – I?m a UnitedStates Congressman! ? ?In that case,? replied the mugger, ?give me MY money.?

Guess what? You?re pregnant!

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It [...]

One day a boy and his father were at the dining room tableworking on the boy?s Social Studies homework, the chapterabout government. The boy turns to his father and asks,?Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government??The father replies without hesitating, ?Oh, about ten percent.?

the CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They weredown to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one couldget the position. As a final test each recruit was led down ahallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the firstman, ?We need to know that you will do whatever [...]

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.?How much does it cost for engineer brain??Three dollars an ounce.?How much [...]

the politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. ?Ma,? he shouted, ?the results are in. I won the election! ? ?Honestly?? The politician?s smiled faded. ?Aw [...]

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife whenhe found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shother instead of her lover, he replied,?Ah, m?sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than adifferent man every week??