Published on Monday, April 30, 2007 by ups It?s not what you say, but the way you say it.On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: ?Time stands still when I look into your eyes.?The girl was very flattered.What the boy had really meant was, ?You have a face that would stop a clock.? (more...)...

Published on Sunday, April 29, 2007 by ups A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.A farmer replied, ?Joe?s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.?Well,? replied the man, ?she must have had a lot of friends.?Nope,? said the farmer, ?we all just want to buy his mule.? (more...)...

Published on Saturday, April 28, 2007 by monkie A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law?s death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.He replies, ?Don?t take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.? (more...)...

Published on Friday, April 27, 2007 by monkie A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, ?If you wish to save your marriage, you?d better be a little boulder.? (more...)...

Published on Thursday, April 26, 2007 by ups There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn?t find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, ?Great, so now you?re cheating on me with a bald woman! ?The next night, when she didn?t smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, ?She?s not only bald, but she?s too cheap to buy any perfume! ? (more...)...

Published on Wednesday, April 25, 2007 by ups Dating hints for gentlemenThere are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... I really don?t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. I refuse to get cable. That?s how they keep tabs on you. I used to come here all the time with my ex. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn...

Published on Tuesday, April 24, 2007 by monkie What?s the best way to force a man to do situps?Put the remote between his toes. (more...)...

Published on Monday, April 23, 2007 by monkie What?s the difference between a man and E.T.?E.T. phoned home! (more...)...

Published on Monday, April 23, 2007 by TipoTurbo Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it?s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn?t ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down ...

Published on Sunday, April 22, 2007 by ups What?s a man?s idea of housework?Lifting his legs so you can vacuum. (more...)...

Published on Sunday, April 22, 2007 by TipoTurbo 1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren?t really bugs.4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn?t work and discovers 15 new bugs.5. Repeat three times steps 3 and 4.6. Due to marketing pressure and an extre...

Published on Saturday, April 21, 2007 by ups How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?We don?t know - it?s never happened. (more...)...

Published on Saturday, April 21, 2007 by TipoTurbo Dear Boss,I hope I haven?t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.In addition, I have changed the days of t...

Published on Friday, April 20, 2007 by monkie Why don?t men eat more M & M?s?They are too hard to peel! (more...)...

Published on Friday, April 20, 2007 by TipoTurbo Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell ...