A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. ?When you and [...]

Willy?s rolling down the hall of a retirement home actinglike he?s driving a car, an orderly turns the corner andasks Willy what he?s doing.Willy replies, ?I?m going to Chicago for the weekend.?The orderly chuckles and enters Bob?s room to check on him.He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing,Bob replies,?I?m screwing Willy?s [...]

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: ?Jesus is watching you! ? Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. ?Jesus is watching you,? the voice [...]

A young boy was visiting his grandfather?s farm whenone day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgrandfather playing with himself.The boy says, ?What are you doing grandpa, jacking off??Grandpa replies, ?No sonny, just jacking! ?

A – Alcohol: The key to surviving High school B – Beer: It's what's for dinner…and breakfast and lunch C – Class: What you're supposed to get up and go to after last night's party D – Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic E – Emergency: The keg is empty [...]

Little Tommy?s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label clearly read, ?The 10 Most Wanted.?One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.?Yes,? said the policeman, ?the [...]

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by anddeposits a poopy little present on the woman?s head. ?Yech! ? says the woman. ?Get some toilet paper.? ?What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.?

Two drunks were trying to figure out how to get some alcohol for free. They only had a dollar in change between them. "I've got it, follow me." said the first man. They went to a hot dog stand and bought a dog and threw away the bun. "We'll go into a bar and order [...]

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car [...]

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70.When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, ?Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can?t drive.?

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks ”This guy is pretty pretentious” and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, ”This isn’t twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch” The barman thinks, hey this [...]

Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You10. He sends you on drug raids….alone.9. He refers to you as ?Our Little Mascot.?8. The job description in your contract includes ?crash test dummy? and ?pepper-spray test subject.?7. Instead of a gun, you were issued a water pistol.6. He always tells you that only wimps call for back-up.5. [...]

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people?s home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren?t getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom?s room. Later that night they did just that.Jim looked at Tom and said, ?Did you see that? What in the hell [...]

A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, ”Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?” The man answered, ”Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, [...]

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two?s [...]