A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer?s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge?s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, ?Counselor, you [...]

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with [...]

?You are a cheat! ? shouted the attorney to his opponent.?And you?re a liar! ? bellowed the opposition.Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, ?Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let?s get on with the case.?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.A2: You won?t find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you?re looking for a [...]

The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, ?I have to go back to the office – I forgot to lock the safe! ?The other partner replied, ?What are you worried about? We?re both here.?

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch.A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he?s had enough.The bartender said, ?I?ve [...]

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter?s night.He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town?s lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town?s business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the [...]

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney?s mind: ?Do I tell my partner??

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?1. How much money do you have?2. Where can you get more?3. Do you have anything you can sell? ——————————————————————————–Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?A: Only three. The balance are documented case histories. ——————————————————————————–There?s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies [...]

Have you seen the current remake of the movie ?Cape Fear??It?s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. ?Darling, it was just a shark,? assured his wife when he came to. ?You?ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.?

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:George: ?I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years?Herman: ?Hmm. I killed a man, and I?m here for 3 days?George: ?*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days????Herman: ?Yeah, it was a lawyer.?

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan?s well-oiled economic machine. It?s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it?s something much more economically debilitating – and permanent.Three American [...]

NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo?s CostumeMEMPHIS, Tenn. – A judge has ruled that a defendant can?t show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia.But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal [...]

How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don?t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow [...]