A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given [...]

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.?Doctor,? says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. ?Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off??I don?t see why not,? replies the [...]

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, ?Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.?Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn?t changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month.?

A patient walks into a doctor?s office.Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.Doctor: Next!

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I?m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.Doctor: Tell me about your problem.Patient: I just did, didn?t I, you stupid fool!!

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.Doctor: Tell him I can?t see him now. Next.

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer?s group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You?ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.4. You are always meeting new people.3. You don?t have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.1. Mysteries are always interesting.

Patient: I?m in a hospital! Why am I in here?Doctor: You?ve had an accident involving a bus.Patient: What happened?Doctor: Well, I?ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?Patient: Give me the bad news first.Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of [...]

Sue reports for jury duty as ordered, and promptly asks to be excused because she believes she?s prejudice. ?I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin.? ?Sit down,? says the judge. ?That?s the prosecuting attorney.?

What?s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?The bucket.

Why won?t sharks attack lawyers?Professional courtesy.

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, ?If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?? The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. [...]

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash. The barman says, ?Geez that?s a weird dog: he?s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn?t have a tail. I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.? 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces. Another [...]