A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, ?Doc, I?m constipated.?The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, ?Lean over the table.?The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.He comes out a few minutes later [...]

A New Russian (NR) came to a duty free shop and addresses to the seller (S): NR: Dou you speak English? S: Yes. NR: Marlboro.

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, ?Do you know what I?m [...]

A New Russian came back from Paris. His wife asks: – How did you like your trip? – Do you remember, in our friend’s Vasya kitchen was a canvas “Gioconda”? – Yes. – He sold it. I have seen it in Louvre.

A man?s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman?s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she [...]

A New Russian bawls at his charwoman: “Where is the dust from my table?!!! I wrote important phone numbers there!”

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a fieldassignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis ballseverywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered?When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.?The second patient was locked [...]

A New Russian comes into a jewellery store and asks for the heaviest golden cross in stock. Once the item is brought in, the New Russian examines it closely. – Well, I guess I’d take it, – he says finally, – Only cut down the acrobat, please.

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling muchbetter since his operation, but couldn?t account for theenormous bump on the back of his head.?Oh, that,? chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. ?Just before youroperation they suddenly ran out of ether! ?

A New Russian boards a trolleybus and comes up to the driver. – Three thousand bucks, cash on the nail, if you take me straight to Zelenograd now. – But I can’t, – the driver protests, – there are no trolley wires up to Zelenograd, the trolleybus line ends right after the bridge! – What’s [...]

A guy walks into his doctor and says,?Doc, you gotta help me, I can?t remember anything! ?The doc asks, ?How long have you had this problem??The guy says, ?What problem??

An New Russian comes into a car dealership and asks for a silver Mercedes 600SEL. The employee shows him the car, receives the payment and asks with much curiosity: – Excuse me, sir, but didn’t you buy exactly same car three days ago? – I sure did, – retorts the New Russian, – But in [...]

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.Gloria came [...]

Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?A: To avoid the draft.Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?A: Because the can said ?concentrate? on it.Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds [...]

Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One?s a brunette, one?s a redhead, and one?s a blonde.Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, ?Ready . . . Aim . . .?Suddenly the brunette yells, ?earthquake!! ? Everyone [...]